While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
