I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
