Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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