before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
