so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
