u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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