Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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