i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
