so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
