We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
