my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
