Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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