we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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