shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
