Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk is a universal language darling
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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