i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
