Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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