Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
