Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
