i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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