I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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