I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
