i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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