Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
