You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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