Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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