I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You ruined the universe
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