Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
