fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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