I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
