ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My vagina is officially offended.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
