Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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