last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize