Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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