Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
