you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
