even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
