Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
