He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
