She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
