remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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