I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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