My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
