Sponge bath it is.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
