Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
