i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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