You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
