I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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