I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
