if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
