my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We had to coat check the pizza.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
