I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
