omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
