I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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